Lately I’ve been coming across many conversations on interracial relationships. Some believe people should be able to date whoever they want, while others believe dating should be exclusive to one’s race. Although it may seem contradictory there is actually some truth in both statements.
It is true that love has no color. Love cares nothing about appearance. Love should be honest and pure. Love loses value the minute you bring physical preferences into the picture. People spend so much time fantasizing over what the love of their life should look like that a lot of times they miss out on their shot at love because that person wasn’t what they were aiming for. Often times when you find “Mr. (or Mrs.) Perfect” , they turn out not to be “Mr. (or Mrs.) Right”. No one is perfect, but the right person is out there.
A trend I see in a lot of interracial relationships is that many of them don’t seem to be pure. Black people, especially Black men, have an inferiority complex when it comes to relationships. They have a tendency to prop women of other races up on a pedestal while downgrading their own women. A perfect example of this is when Trick Daddy went on a rant about white women being better than black women. Another example is the high number of black men in Hollywood who start off dating black women then somehow all end up with white women. No, I don’t believe this is a coincidence. Dating outside your race because of the stereotypes and stigmas associated with your race is shallow and vain and in the Black community it can easily get you labeled an “Uncle Tom”. This type of love is not pure nor is it honest. It has no value because it is based solely on superficial constructs. Every person is different, regardless of their ethnicity. If your search for love is rooted in self hatred you’re in for a rude awakening. Don’t misunderstand me, dating exclusively with your own race for reasons outside of love is no better.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to build within your own community. It’s not racist to want to see your people prosper. Take a look at the Asian community for example. In Chicago they have become quite successful in establishing businesses and creating generational wealth for their people and they were able to accomplish this by dating exclusively with their own race (In the Asian community interracial dating is somewhat of a taboo). Black people as a whole still have a ways to go, socio-economically. Most of us have a loose understanding of the concept of building Black wealth. There is some truth in the idea that when you step outside of your ethnic group, you’re aiding another ethnic group in building their wealth. For example, when most Black people enter into a relationship with a White person they tend to leave the black community, if they’re not already living outside the black community, for the suburbs. Now if you read my last blog post and watched the video included with it, you will understand why leaving the black community for the suburbs is not always a good idea. If not, I’ll share the video with you again:
So when you leave the Black Community and move to the suburbs with your White significant other you’re also taking your wealth and any resources you have along with you and giving them to another ethnic group. Now I know some people might be saying “But what about the children! Biracial children are Black too!”. No, Biracial people are biracial and many Biracial people don’t like it when people try to label them as one race. For instance, Taye Diggs spoke about not calling his son Black, but of mixed race. A lot of people ridiculed him for this, but he was actually right in my opinion. If you love who you are you should be able to love everything that makes you, you. We have to stop with this “one drop rule”. Nowadays, it’s too easy to be considered black. That’s part of the reason color-ism has become so prevalent in modern society. Biracial people, especially women, have become the standard of Black beauty. This issue has been brought to light mainly due to the overexposure of Biracial women as the face of Black women in media. (advertising, music videos, movies, etc). I speak about this in depth in my blog post “Let’s talk about Color-ism”.
Now keeping everything I just said in mind I have to acknowledge that love is not a financial transaction; it is a natural occurrence. The truth is you can’t help who you love, but being Black and knowing our history it’s very important that if you’re in an interracial relationship that you take a good long look in the mirror and make sure that what you feel is pure because white supremacy and self hatred runs deep in all of us.
Now everyone is welcome to their own opinion and I’m open to hear yours, but the truth is interracial dating is complex and people’s motivations for doing it aren’t always clear. In an ideal world we would all love each other for who we are and not what we look like, but the world is not ideal and what you look like can play a huge role in who you are and how you are seen in the world.
Love & Peace